Rambling of my thoughts.

I am fresh from an argument with my parents. I had made the mistake of saying "I never intended to finish school in four years (which was what sparked the aforementioned arguement)." Whoopsies. Truly, I had never ever ever intended to stay at MSUM for four years. Until the beginning of this fall, the plan was for me to move to Seattle and attend the Art Institute there for Fashion Design. But that never really brought me peace. I was worried about money and well, honestly, I was going to attend to satisfy my own agenda, not Gods. So this left me in a tizzy of what to do. The sensible thing.. to just stay at MSUM. I was fine with that.. for two days. God has called me to be a missionary. That I know for sure. I was getting coffee with a friend who told me about YWAM DTS (Youth with a Mission Discipleship Training School). And right away, I was at peace. I knew (know) that that is where I am suppose to be and where God is calling me too! The problem is that it costs about $8000. And I definitely do not have that. At all. Even close. And for the first time since I decided that this is what I am going to do, I have doubted that God is going to provide for me, and I can't stand thinking like that. You see, my parents don't know I have even applied. I remember I had called my mom and said "There is this awesome school where you get to learn about Jesus." and she said "You're not going to bible school." I left it at that, to avoid confrontation. Later, I sent her a text message saying "I want to be a missionary." and she said "Dad and I were wondering when that would happen. It does'nt really put food on the table though. Stick with something that makes money." It's hard. The Lord said I would have to forsake all others to follow him. He also said that I will have to leave my father and mother and friends. And I am going to. But why am I doubting that he will provide?! I just keep wondering how I will get this money, how I will earn it.. and because I don't know what else to do, I sow it out, which gives me unfathomable pleasure, to be able to bless Gods people like that. And I believe that I need to sow what I need. Please, please, if you read this, please keep me in your prayers.

Post-script: I am sorry this isn't a normal blog for me.. just kind of a rambling of my thoughts to get them out on the table.